absolutelyBangkok archive · Being farang
Originally published March 6, 2008
In case you ever wondered about security on board of a Thai Airways aircraft: You couldn’t spend your time in safer hands. Because Thai Airways’ pilots are the world’s best. Proof being that Thai Airways is the probably only airline in the world that has not one single foreign cockpit staff.
Because foreign pilots — namely from Indonesia, Australia and the Philippines — are “cheaper to hire,” reported the Bangkok Post on March 06. And Thai Airways is obviously only going for the pricier best.
Thailand’s Department of Civil Aviation DCA quotes recent serious incidents in Thai skies that involved foreign pilots. Blame it on them.
Last September the budget carrier One-Two-Go lost an MD-82 in Phuket. 89 died. The pilot was Indonesian. Last December an MD-80 flown by One-Two-Go was in a “near-collision” with Nok Airlines over Nakhon Sawan.
All of One-Two-Go’s pilots were recruited from overseas.
Not that they wouldn’t know their job — well, perhaps with the exception of Indonesian pilots who have to master the world’s worst maintained aircrafts.
The main problem with foreign pilots: Their disability to communicate well in a Thai cockpit.
Yep.
Cultural differences.
Quotes the Post: “Authorities say foreign pilots must undergo Cockpit Crew Resource Management training to overcome any possible cultural differences between them and those under their command”, because (…) “Thailand-based airlines that employ foreign pilots suffered from these problems, thus posing a potential danger.”
Now you know where the money for that overpriced Thai Airways ticket is going to. Not into the hands of an institutionally disorganized company that maintains one of the most diverse and therefore most expensive aircraft fleet.
No.
You sponsor the salaries of the best pilots in the world who are prime examples of how to communicate.
Fluency in control-tower-English?
Hardly relevant.
All foreign pilots would need is the “Fluent Thai in just 30 seconds”
crash course
(thanks David for the inspiration)
to dispel any communication concerns.
This basic Thai vocabulary will get any pilot safely anywhere — and earn him the admiration of Thai staff:
Air: Air con
Apart-men: Apartment
Aisa-keem: Ice cream
Ass-oh: Asshole
Bar: Bar
Beer: Beer
Black-cock: Black Label whiskey and Coke
Bed-der: Better
Boom boom: Boom boom
Cash: Cash, crash or clash
Cee-dee: CD
Cee-trong: Citroën
Com-piu-tr: Computer
Condo: Condo
Condom: Condom
Da-wid Bek-hairm: David Beckham
Dee-wee-dee: DVD
Eelectric-city: Electricity
Emai: Email
Folever: As long as the money holds out
Fut-born: Football
Furni-toer: Furniture
Gin Tonic: Gin & Tonic
Gleen-tea: Green Tea
Gof: Golf
Gogolonzolaaa: Gorgonzola
Helooooo: Hello (when answering phone)
Huge Gran: Hugh Grant
I-finit-(alleddy): Orgasm
In-the-chicken: In the kitchen
internet: internet
Keius-mee: Excuse me
Lesbian show: Lesbian show
Lif: Lift
Lip-satik: Lipstick
Lof-u-too-mud: I love you
Loomselwi: Room service
Manches-ter U-nai-tet: Manchester United
Mar-ga-rin: Margarine
My-flend-yoo: Your friend
Moto-cyc: Motorcycle
Neve: Always
Offit: Office
Oi: Oil
Once: Again and again
Poe-yo: Peugot
Pep-see: Pepsi
Per-sen: Percent
Pik-ap: Pick-up (truck)
Prom-prem: Problem
Promo-shern: Promotion
Sa-deet: Sadist
Same-same: Same
Ser-ee-ert: Serious
Sexy: Sexy
Spankamagetthi: Spaghetti
Tek-noh-loh-yee: Technology
Tennit: Tennis
Tee-wee: TV
Tlue: False
Too-mud: Too much
Wai: Wine
Wave: Microwave
We-skee: Whiskey
Wee-dee-oh: Video
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