absolutelyBangkok archive · Being farang
Originally published April 3, 2008
She’s the kind of woman you wouldn’t mind to marry yourself: She’s beautiful, cheerful, bright — and has a smartphone not to show off with. She’s a Thai woman who actually knows how to use that phone.
Meet Nikki Assavathorn aka
Khun Nikki, as she’s known among her hundreds of no more lonely hearts in Bangkok. Because Khun Nikki hooked them up with each other.
Nikki is a professional matchmaker who quite knows her trade. How it all started? With her lonely girlfriends. My single friends gave me the idea, says Nikki. They’re attractive and successful, but can’t meet the guy that is suitable for them. Why not set up something like this, I thought, to bring them together.
Nikki though „doesn’t deliver Thai brides,“ she fervently insists.
Nikki goes for higher standards with her service MeetNLunch. And she takes pride in her Cupid-biz.
When I met Nikki at the Emporium Suites’
Starbucks, she just finished an interview with a female lonely heart.
And, Nikki asked after the girl left, what do you think about that girl?
I was rather astonished. What could you possibly answer when you couldn’t imagine why such a beautiful slender Thai girl would require Nikki’s services that cost 6,000 baht for three meetings — including introduction and consultation.
You see, Nikki says. Even she. She’s successful, with a good pay and job, but everybody in Bangkok is busy. Friends cannot introduce new people and somehow people are just stuck. So they use my service.
Attractive single Thai females — that’s the kind of clients Nikki comforts. And stocks in her database.
Nikki’s got a lot of good and lonely names in her database by now. And she doesn’t offer her services to everybody.
Tourists? No way.
Married ones who look for kinky adventures?
They may lie at the beginning of an interview, Nikki says. But during the interview they all break down and confess. No, I only service people who are single and integer.
Of Thai candidates Nikki gets copies of the ID, of foreigners copies of the passport, work permit or residency certificate.
A call to the local authorities will quickly confirm if a Thai client is really single. Not so easy with foreigners, but offering her services since 2006 she has developed quite a feeling for the thin line that separates truth and lies.
Worst case scenario? That two people have a conversation for only two hours, Nikki smiles.
Because she’s got that sense for matchmaking. Sometimes, Nikki says, I already know word for word what the people will tell me. After my first 500 people I felt tired — I knew what they gonna say. But I love what I’m doing. Somehow I grow close to my clients. It’s a bond of trust. Trustworthiness and integrity are very important.
Because: Her MeetNLunch is different.
Our business has suffered some bad publicity because of those other countless matchmaking-services that export Thai brides. We dont work for such people, Nikki says.
Her clients frequent Bangkok’s top-spots. They have money, self-confidence — but lack that something to find a partner for life.
So how does Nikki’s service work?
When somebody call us, we go through the usual questions such as what you’re doing for a living, how old you are, your hobbies and such. If you’re a foreigner, how long have you been here? How long are you gonna be here? We don’t take people who are here less than two years. Then we check their info, ask them why they want to join our network. We have to get into their background, have to know what they like, what they expect, what they like to eat, what their friends think of them — what their friends think of them: That’s a good way to measure what they think of themselves.
And then, Nikki says, the importance of the past relationships. When and why they broke up, why they haven’t met yet someone to marry, and so on.
Usually within a week I give them a call. I know all my clients from quite close. If I think a person is suitable, I tell them about the person. Such as: Good etiquette, shy, younger, older.
Some people refuse your proposals?
Rarely. If so, the most common reason for refusal is age, Nikki says. Take a man who is over 40 and wants a women around 30. Sometimes I tell these men that I have a very attractive women. When I tell them she’s 36 they say: No way. As it takes at least two years to grow close together. If you want kids, that age may be too late.
But our database is so rich by now, says Nikki. Half of our male clients are Thai, the other half foreigners. Most of the women are Thai — some from Japan, Malaysia, Singapore.
And what’s in for you Nikki?
The feeling of hearing that people get along so well. Like that guy from Singapore and that Thai women. They met — and they realized they have the same mobile phone. Then he saw that he recognized her car. Turned out that they lived in the same condo. She parked her car right in front of his car all the time. He was always wondering who that car’s owner was…
Come on Nikki, what’s really in for you?
The 6,000 baht for three meetings — of course they pay for their own food. But there’s so much more to it. It’s like having a relationship with my clients.
But Nikki, I say, you’re engaged, married soon. Me wonders: Didn’t you ever meet your dream partner at an interview and thought: Gosh, that’s him!
Yes, but I have my own standard and would not break it. I met some 1,000 people already. Sometimes I say: Wow, he’s great! — I have to keep my professional standard.
The hot places to hook up? Where should lonely hearts go?
If you’re Thai and want to meet a cool Thai lady, there’s only one place:
Wine Bridge. It’s the crowd there that makes it. Food is good quality, famous people go there too. Many night crawlers go to Wine Bridge for many reasons: Networking, unwinding or just for hooking up.
A though playing field for a farang?
Not if you know Thais, Nikki says. They take you in. But if you just want to have a laugh, better go to Bed Supperclub. Just don’t sit or lie on the second floor. You have to stand next to the tables downstairs.
Met Bar is also good. You can go there as an average person. Used to be exclusive. It’s now open to everyone.
To someone who is more mature I would recommend Erawan Tea Room. It’s quiet, got a nice decor. A relaxing place with great service.
Someone a bit younger? Go to Thonglor’s
H1. It’s hip, it’s cool, you feel trendy and they got that very good lighting. Everybody at H1 gets along with everybody.
That’s cheating, I intervene. Back home reality will struck and all the romance is gone.
Nikki: I have to kick-start them!
But some people, I try to argue, can’t just hook up with anyone at a bar. Which in turn is good for you!
That’s what my service is here for, says Nikki. And some persons are very easy to read. Especially women, young Thai women. They want to share a lot of hobbies with their partner. But as women get older, they want somebody who is very successful in life and career.
Nikki: I’m counseling a lot of people. There was this 52 year old guy — he wanted somebody in her early 30s. Nobody of my women would say yes. I told him to change the limit — he didn’t. And I didn’t take any money from him. Even made losses. But there are agencies for those people. And they charge a lot more.
I had this other guy, a successful investment banker from New York. He never dated anyone in Thailand. A friend told him about my service. He was quite a character. Wanted a girl with dark skin, slender, very educated and that can afford luxury life without depending on him. No wonder he never dated anyone. The first meeting I set up was with a woman who graduated from a top university in the U.S. She came from a good family, but was luk krueng. Personality of the woman, he said: 7/10. Looks: 0/10. That was the first time I heard this from anyone. It shocked me. Then again, he asked for a dark and skinny woman with money. Okay, I said, give it another try. After two weeks I come with the closest match — a girl who wasn’t my client, but somebody I knew. They spent seven hours together on the first date. Next week they broke up. She had, he said, no sense of humor.
So for many, I try to summarize, the reality is bleak. There is no such thing as a dream partner.
Many compromise and settle for less, Nikki says. Everybody has a lot of expectations. And I don’t want to let anybody down. That makes about two interviews a day. It looks like an easy market. But all those matchmaking institutes out there. So many sent Thai brides abroad. Thousand exported. People got this negative connotation.
What I want to do, says Nikki, is something different.
+++ Wanna know more about the inner mechanisms of Bangkok’s lonely women and yearning men? Read Nikki’s blog-diary Confessions of a Matchmaker.
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